Sing for me
by Olli.Peh
Summary: Music can be a light in the dark. It can be a key to unlock hearts. And it can be a weapon to tear down walls. Who would have thought, that something so simple, yet so complex as music, could form a bond between two lost souls? Rated M for future chapters.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything from Evangelion.

I am happy for every review and/or critic.

Please enjoy!

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**Sing for me**

by Olli Peh

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**1**

**Nightmares**

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Shinji slowly opened his eyes to darkness. He was covered in cold sweat. The only light that illuminated his room was coming from his alarm clock, which said it was way past midnight.  
He sighed. The nightmares were haunting him again. Nightmares of angels and EVAs; of hurt and despair. Nightmares, where his mother stood before him, smiling. And the next moment, torn apart by EVA 01.  
When he'd had those nightmares the first time, he woke up screaming, frightened and confused. Then he was awake for a couple of hours, staring at the clock and listening to his music, trying to fall asleep again. Although the music had soothed him, sleep would not come so easily, that he knew for sure.  
When he had such dreams now, there was no more screaming, no more fright or confusion, just sadness and anger at another sleepless night. Maybe he was used to it now...  
_Well, guess I could use a glass of water_, he thought, tired. He kicked his bedsheets aside, stood up and got out of his room.  
A street lamp shone through a window, and that was more than enough for Shinji to maneuver silently through the dark hallway to the kitchen. The fact, that this wasn't the first time he sneaked around the Katsuragi residence at 2 am in the morning, helped, too.  
But he hadn't moved yet. He was still standing outside his room, looking at the door across his own, listening. Sometimes he could hear Asuka talking in her sleep. It was only a mumbling, and he couldn't understand what she said, but it didn't sound too pleasant.  
_She has her own nightmares_, Shinji thought. Especially after what had happened with the last angel..._ Could I help her then? Well, we haven't talked much since that day... _If he could only talk to her about the nightmares and let her know that she wasn't alone; that he felt the same way...  
Still not hearing anything, he went on. He passed the open door of Misato's empty room. Their guardian was now at NERV, working another night shift. Shinji had no clue what she did there all night. _Maybe discovering a dark secret_, he guessed. But truth to be told, he didn't want to know. After all, ignorance is bliss.  
Once in the kitchen, he took a glass out of a cupboard, filled it with water from the sink, and gulped it down in one pull. The aftershock from his nightmare was slowly wearing off.  
He sighed again. It was quiet at a time like this. The never-ending concert of the cicadas from outside; the buzzing of the fridge – from time to time interrupted only by a honking car...  
That, and the loud scream that suddenly echoed through the sleeping house.  
Out of shock he dropped the glass, which immediately gave in to gravity and shattered on the kitchen floor.  
He knew this scream. He had heard it before, on the battlefield.  
Shinji reacted purely on instinct. He rushed to Asuka's room and pulled her door open.  
Because Asuka's room had a much bigger window - letting more light in - he could see her silhouette, sitting upright in her bed, pressing her hands against her chest, breathing heavily.  
"Asuka!" he shouted, almost panicked "Are you alright?"  
She turned her head in his direction. "Shinji...?" she said, still shaken from the sudden awakening from her nightmare. The moonlight made her tears glitter like stars. The painful and confused look that she gave him made his heart ache. She looked so hurt and vulnerable; so fragile. Nothing compared to her usual self. He had the urge to protect her and to take away her pain, no matter the cost. Just as he did after the last angel.  
He entered her room, took two steps forward and said, "It's.. It's alright, Asuka, you've had a bad dream." Another step. "I had one, too." Another one. "Would you...?"  
But his bold move was interrupted, as the redhead realized what was happening – and how far Shinji had gotten into her room.  
_Oh, crap_, he thought.  
"Baka... Hentai!" she shouted, grabbed her alarm clock and threw it at Shinji.  
Only thanks to his combat training was he able to dodge the incoming projectile, which missed his head by a few inches and shattered on the wall behind him.  
"Ah!" screamed Shinji. "I'm... I'm sorry...!"  
Asuka stood up, rushed to the still shocked boy and pushed him hard against his chest, which made him stumble backwards through her door and out of her room.  
"Get out of my room!" she yelled, as she slammed the door shut, leaving a dumbfounded Shinji behind.

. . .

_What was he doing in my room?_  
Asuka slid down the wall with her back against it and pulled her knees to her chest. She let her head sank on her knees. _Damn nightmares! _And then another, more rational, thought intruded: _I screamed, didn't I? __He heard me scream and came to rescue me. Again..._  
As long as she could remember, the nightmares had been there. Haunting her almost every night. And her mother had the leading role in every one. Sometimes there were dolls. Sometimes she was only a small child. Sometimes she was her mother...  
Since the attack of the last angel a few weeks ago they've been getting worse. She didn't want to think about that fateful night, not now, but images and memories always flooded her mind after such a nightmare. Luckily, these images were blurry and she could no longer remember them exactly.  
The first days after the attack were dark. She often thought about taking a knife from the kitchen and ending it all with one clean cut. And one night, she came really close... But in all that darkness and despair there was always a tiny spark of fire swimming on the surface, guiding her through the void back into the light. She hated and loved that fire. Because of it, she couldn't kill herself. It would always bring her back. And that was also the reason, why she secretly loved it. Because she wasn't truly ready to go. Not yet.  
She knew that this fire somehow came from Shinji. Something he had done, after the angel had violated her mind. If only she could remember that _something_. Without having to ask him.  
A rustling sound behind her pulled her out of her dark thoughts.  
"Asuka? Are you still awake?" came Shinji's muffled voice through the walls of her room. It sounded as if he was sitting directly behind her, with his back against the outer wall of her room. "Look... I'm sorry -"  
"Yeah Baka, I know, I know! Please stop apologizing!" She sighed. "I'm so tired... "  
"So- Okay..."  
"Why the hell were you in my room in the middle of the night in the first place? Were you going to do some hentai stuff to me? I knew I should buy locks for -"  
"No!" Shinji said fiercely, much to Asuka's surprise. "You know I would never do such a thing! I could never hurt..."  
She turned her head to the side, waiting for the rest. Seconds passed and she might have found an answer of her own, when he continued, his voice more confident than before: "As I said - before you were trying to kill me with your clock -"  
"Hey! What did you expect me to do? I thought..." _Yeah Asuka, what were you thinking?_  
"I heard you screaming," Shinji said quickly, "and I thought something happened to you..."  
She had to smile. "So you came to save the damsel in distress?" She thought she'd said it without too much of her usual malice in her voice.  
Shinji's voice dropped, as he said the next, "Sure... But I forgot that you never need any help."  
She heard him standing up. "Good night, Asuka..."  
_No, wait... _"Wait!" she said. His movement had stopped and then the silence came again. _What the hell am I trying to do here?_  
"Asuka?"  
"Tell me!" she blurted.  
"Tell you... Tell you what?"  
"About your nightmares, Baka! But don't think I really want to know! I just want to listen to your boring chatter so I can get back to sleep!" _Why do I say things like that?_  
Silence again. Then she heard Shinji creep back to his former place. "I..." He paused and she could nearly see him flexing his hand. He took a deep breath before he spoke again, "Nearly every night I have this dream, this... nightmare. It's always different, but in every one there is my mother..."  
Asukas eyes widened.  
"...and EVA 01. And..." His voice was shaking. "And my mother is standing in front of me, smiling. Which is kind of funny, because I cannot remember her face... or her smile for that matter. But I know, she is smiling at me and wants me to run into her open arms. And I am... I'm so full of joy and hope and I am truly happy... The first time in my life...  
So I start running to her – you have to know that in my dream I'm always a small child – But as I'm running closer and closer... The head of EVA 01 is appearing behind her and... And it's opening his mouth and... There are so many red teeth... And I want to scream, I want to warn her... But I can't do anything. I have to watch, as this... this thing I have to pilot to save humanity – tears her apart! And there is blood everywhere..." Shinji was crying know, she could hear that. "And all the joy and happiness I felt a few seconds before are shattered in an instant and all I feel when I wake up is emptiness, anger and sadness, so much sadness..." He whispered the last part.  
Asukas heart ached. She knew this pain. New tears rolled down her own cheek. _My God, he feels the same way I do..._  
She always had mixed feelings, when it comes to Shinji. At first, ignorance. Then, disgust, annoyance and anger... But then she'd seen him tearing angels apart, risking his life for others and fighting like a berserker; after he did that... There was something new. Pride, maybe? Sympathy?  
It all confused and frightened her. Somehow she found herself hoping there could be just one person in this world who would truly understand her and feel the same. _Do I want this?_  
"I'm... I'm sorry, Shinji," Asuka said after a while. Whispering, she continued, but too low for Shinji to hear, "I know... I know what it's like..."  
He cleared his throat. "Don't be." Then she heard him force a chuckle. "Normally it's my part to say 'I am sorry', isn't it?"  
In spite of herself, she had to smile. "Yeah." It felt good to smile again.  
Then Shinji was asking the question which Asuka knew was coming sooner or later, "Do you want to talk about...?"  
"No!" she said, much too fast. "No," She continued in softer tones, "not yet, Shinji, okay? Maybe another time..."  
"Okay..."  
Was that disappointment in his voice or relief? Asuka couldn't tell.  
She didn't want the silence to flood them again, so she made herself speak, "Hey Baka -"  
"You know, it –," said Shinji at the same moment.  
Both stopped talking.  
"I just –," began Asuka, before Shinji was interrupting her again, "You go first -"  
"Stop that, Baka!" shouted Asuka, with a grin she knew he couldn't see.  
"Okay, sorr –," And she could almost hear him smirking as he went on, "Sorry, for saying sorry, again."  
Laughing, Asuka said, "My my, Third Child. Making a joke? Is the world going to end?"  
Shinji laughed, too. "Well, we do our best to prevent that, don't we?"  
"Damn right we do!"  
"Yeah," her roommate agreed. "So anyway... What did you want to tell me before?"  
"Hmm... Now I forgot, Baka!"  
"Then it probably wasn't important."  
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Everything I say is important!"  
"Oh, of course!" said Shinji.  
"What's up with you?" she asked, genuinely curious. "First you made a joke, and now you try to raise my wrath? I've never heard you speak like this before. To me, that is."  
There was a small pause before Shinji answered, "Maybe I'm just tired..."  
_He's giving me a way out_, she realized. "Yeah, you're right." Asuka stood, much to the protests of her cramped legs. She heard Shinji doing the same. "I'm going back to bed and try to sleep at least a few hours."  
"Asuka?" came his muffled voice.  
"Hm?"  
Shinji continued, almost inaudibly, "Thanks...for the talk."  
Smiling, she answered, "You're welcome, Baka. You're lucky that you're still alive, after interrupting my privacy!"  
"Oh. Well then... Good night, Asuka." She heard his footsteps and his door opening.  
_Baka-Shinji still can't tell when I'm messing with him. Why can't I remember that?_ Like an armored mask, she put on her most ironic smirk as she opened the interconnecting door. She saw him standing in his room, with his back to her.  
But as he heard her, he turned round and looked at her. "Asuka, what – ?"  
"Baka!" she snapped, too loud, too defensively. "Try...try not to take every word I say so seriously!"  
He smiled, scratched the back of his head and said, "Yeah. I should... I should know this by now, shouldn't I?"  
"Well, you're a baka after all."  
"Yeah..." He looked down at his bare feet as if just discovering them. "So -"  
"Shinji?"  
"Hm?" He looked up, with eyes she knew were deep blue. Those eyes have already seen so much. So much horror and pain. _Just like mine. _She smiled. "Good night, Baka. Sleep well."  
He returned the smile. "Thanks, Asuka. You, too."  
Still smiling, she hurried away, closed her door and crawled under her blankets.  
_Was this maybe just a start? But a start of what? _Slowly she faded back into sleep, hoping this time it might be without the dreams.  
But she jerked awake less than an hour later, panting heavily, her bedclothes soaked in sweat. _Damn nightmares..._

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_. . ._

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**Author's notes:**

This is my first fanfiction. I'm also new to writing (and writing in english), too, so I still have to get used to it. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistake my two pre-readers and I have overlooked.  
This story will have about ten chapters I think. I'd like to make each following chapter larger than this one, or at least I hope they will be larger.  
Thanks for reading and please leave a comment!**  
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